How can you do this to me again? How are you able to be absolutely in love with me and addicted to me as you say, and throw me away? What the fuck is happening. Why cant you just have any forgiveness in your heart to give me another chance. why are you so stubborn and cruel. you basically have been lying to me and promising all of these dreams and then you just decide to not act on them. you are such a coward.everything has always been based off of your timeline, whenever you have wanted. you always get what you want when you want it, and if it doesn’t work out for you then you punish punish punish. why would I even want to be with a man like you? why because you cherish my every move but cant offer a conversation. wake the fuck up Sivan. you are in love with the idea of Ryan Chapman, the man, the idol, the person you have created all of these years because he was a mystery. he is no mystery. there is not once ounce of mystery behind those eyes. listening to him speak of his past was so depressing and pathetic, we are nothing alike. he is 11 years older than me and I am life times ahead of him in maturity and intelligence. Ryan, you are not the man I fell in love with. You are not the man that I thought you were. You are everything everyone else told me about you. you have done me a favor. you have thrown away something you will never even come close to getting ever again, and I really do feel sorry for you. it is such a shame that you are allowing your ego and pride get the best of you. if only you had the intelligence to step back and look at the bigger picture than what feels good to you in this moment, you wouldn’t be suffering right now, and you wouldn’t have suffered all of these years of your life. your priorities are fucked and you haven’t changed in any way that is better for you. you have taken so many steps back that I cant even see you anymore, you have fallen behind so far and I am not sure you will ever come back. you are being influenced and it really is so sad, I thought you were smarter than that, I really did. when you come crawling back to me, I pray that I will look at you and just smile and say in your fucking dreams. get the fuck away from me. never ever think you will ever get to touch me again.