There are so many ways in which I can choose to live my life. my reality is of my choosing, and my dreams are turned into the life that I am living. what do you choose to dream into being? that is something you must ask yourself every time you have a thought. you have the ability to dream love and light and laughter and joy into your being or you can dream darkness and sorrow and regret. I am no longer going to let the power of the past take hold over me. what has happened in the past does not equal my future and I can be happy. the power that ryan has over me is only created by my own thought patterns. when you begin to look at him from a perspective of right now, remove all the past and all the attachments and you can begin to see that he is no special or no better than most any man I have run into. I have had such beautiful and great love in my life. I am so blessed to have experienced the life with Cameron. he was truly a love of my life. a man that showed me the world and gave it to me and was there for me for many years, and never just gave up on me because he didn’t get what he wanted. that is true love. here is a man that loved me since we were 12 and 13 years old. he never once hurt me, he never let me down or disappointed me, he never made me feel anything but loved and adored. that was one of the best times of my life. he was unable to find love again until very recently and as sad as that is, It just shows how much devotion and true love that existed between us. still to this day, our connection is just as beautiful and will never leave. focus on that Sivan. this beautiful love that I have for a man that has only showed me compassion and love since the day I met him. now that is what I deserve. that is real love. remember the love of Kip. remember the love of my friends. Troy is someone who has shown me true love. he has never given up on me, and he has shown his true beautiful colors. what a beautiful man he is. a man that puts his egoic needs aside to be there for me. to show me compassion and strength and positivity and the ability to communicate. our connection is something that I will never let go of. I will love him forever.